i am not using correct punctuation and ish in this one...i could care less...i just wanted to vent. i hate my life so much right now....i mean...im happy to be alive of course, so dont start giving me a speech...i dont want it. fuck you. im so unhappy. im no where i ever wanted to be, other than outta my mom's craziness..thats it....im not in school, im not in an anywhere near ideal job, im not in an anywhere near stable relationship, some of my best friends are no where near me...because they are doin the things with their lives that they wanted to do. im the left overs. im what happened after class of 2004 graduated from my school....im the shit they scraped up. smh.
i have NO help with raising my sis....yes i have maybe one person that will watch her for me here and there...but to be honest, i think that if it werent for her having a two year old..that my sis takes off her hands...she would mysteriously be too busy to keep my sis. i have a friend that does give me rides to places when i need it...but she doesnt have anything else to do right now...she will eventually get busy living her life. this is what adults do. however...i was forced into adulthood while everyone else was fucking around...now they've started to get the hand of adulthood....and im sucking at it still...its a fuckin wonder to me.
i have/had? a boyfriend for whom i dam near worshipped for all of two years, played house like a motherfucker....and he wouldnt call me his girlfriend for all these legitimate sounding reasons at the time...so what does my dumass do? stick around until i get what i want. he finally admits a real relationship between us almost three years in...and now im learning the true meaning of 'be careful what you ask for'. smh. i see why he didnt want a relationship now. why the fuck did i not just get that three years ago??!! am i that fuckin stupid?? fuck. its so ridiculous...AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*sigh* i just want this part of my life to pass and get to the good parts already...im tired of all of this ''do good and good will come your way'' ive been an fuckin outstanding human bein for a while now....and im still getting ran through the wringer.....when does this slow torture stop?! thank god i have no children of my own. thank god. i dont think i could take anymore stress or a dumass man im stuck with for the rest of my life in some shape or form becuz of a kid. ugh.
WHY IS EVERYONE AROUND ME A DUMASS....for gods sakes i really wonder if my 15 year old sister is the smartest person around here sumtimes...im going to stop rambling now...cuz its going to start repeating itself in a minute im sure......tune in for my next mental breakdown!!!
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