Equal or Not Equal? Men and Women

Let's see...topic for today...how about hypocrisy? How about hypocrisy in relationships? Are men and really so different that we should be able to get away with different things in relationships? Are we equal? Where should the line be drawn? This is a debate I have with myself frequently. Oddly enough...I can argue both side on this one. Sometimes I feel we are different and therefore situations are going to be handled as such, then other times I feel we're not so different that we shouldn't just get away with certain things due to gender....it's so confusing for me. Maybe you can help me out with this one.

Ok, let's try an extreme example in a relationship and then work our way simple. That's the way I like to operate debates. Let's say a man gets oral sex from a female that's not his girlfriend. It wasn't emotional..he just 'got some head' that's it. Never even spoke to the chic again. Most men, and a lot of women would say he should be forgiven for this infidelity because it was just head. Men like to argue that head just ain't that serious, some even argue that head isn't cheating. Ok...let's say i wanted to agree (which I don't, lol), is it cool for the chic to go out and get some anonymous oral sex too? No emotions...just some guy she let 'lick the cat' (lol) and that was it. Is that cool? Most guys would flip the fuck out at this question and say 'HELL NO'. Which always cracks me up. They don't like that shit one bit. But it's super cool to get 'sum head'. I've had a guy tell me that because men are men..it's ok for them..but that women aren't suppose to conduct themselves this way. My arguement was, what makes you think men are supposed to conduct themselves like that? He tried to pull the cave man-esk arguement of men, as in when we all first came to be and were basically animals in a sense, were not meant to be with one woman and they are to sow their oats, so to speak. My arguement is...well we were using cell phones then either, should I stop paying my bill and tell AT&T I don't pay because it wasn't in my nature? Which is my way of trying to explain that you can't use old ass logic to explain a present day situation to me. Blacks and Whites used to not be allowed to marry...should all interacial couples never marry now? I mean come on..that list of examples could go on forever.

So I mean my point is....are we that different on who can and can't get free will oral sex? lol. My opinion would be...on that subject, we're the same. Wrong is wrong....if you want some head...get it from your significant other..or not at all. If you must get it from someone else...at least let the person your with know this...or break up with them. It's a nasty practice and just immoral. Have some respect and dignity for yourself and the ones you claim to care for.

Next example, less extreme....men would like to say that it's perferctly okay for them to have a plethera of female friends...but women shouldn't (while in relationships). I had the same guy argue me that it's okay for men to have female friends because they won't get taken advantage of, because it's not like some female is going to over power them and rape them. He felt like a female in a relationship shouldn't have male friends because if something bad happened to the girlfriend by one of her 'guy friends' it would be so awful. My arguement was....you don't have to have guy friends to get raped, for one. That's just a general concern for any woman. Then I tried to explain the concept of trust in a relationship and the possibility of spending more time with other women then your girlfriend...which can happen with too many female friends. And that's something..that if a girlfriend where to blow her boyfriend off for guy friends, it'd be ''curtains''. lol. Ya know what I'm saying? Him and I went back and forth on that for a while and never really agreed. My over all opinion is that it's cool for both sexes to have a few friends of the opposite sex....no problem. Now if you're married...that gets a lil more complex...but I'ma keep it simple...we're not going there. lol. My only thing is, if you have a friend of the opposite sex that you don't want to introduce to you significant other or bring them around...they probably shouldn't exist in the first place. That's all I'm saying. And if, at any time, you start to feel that friend might be trying to cross that friend line....red flag!!! You just gotta be respectful to the person you claim to love and want to be with. Friends are friends..no biggie...but remember, we don't flirt with friends. You shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with opposite sex friends unless one of you is dying...lol. Like use common sense. And guys who expect to be the only male friend in their girlfriends life, don't be surprised when your girl wants all your time and wants to talk constantly about shit you don't care about. You wanted to be her ONLY male friend....so step up and eat it. You asked for it.

But y'all let me know what you think of this....I got more debatable subjects coming I promise..lol.

Old Habits, Die Hard

Why do old habits die so hard sometimes. When I make this statement, honestly, I have Love habits on my mind. A lot of people compare Love to a drug; people say that Love can be very addicting. Once again, honestly, I would have to agree almost 90% of the time. I've even read that there is basis to this story in that dopamine is secreted in the brain when a person is in Love. Which gives the feeling of euphoria, therefore causing us to want more....causing us to fiend when its no longer there. *sigh* Life is complicated enough as it is without knowing this. I mean, people these days tend to casually date....which is really just putting your heart out there time and time again, never really knowing if this person is ''the one'' or if the next five will be. You know what I mean? Geezus.

Well this leads to my present thoughts. I will have to say I've probably been in Love with this one person for going on 3 years now. It is starting to hit really hard times right now though. When I say hard times...I mean, I'm not even sure if we still go together half the time. I never know anything anymore, and neither does he. It's absolutely awful. However, because of old habits...even when I know I'm pissed off at him, and I know he's wrong....I'll turn around and want to be up under him. When I go somewhere..I instinctively want to invite him. When I'm shopping I still want to get him things. I have no clue whether he does the same when he's by himself, but I know I do out of habit. It leads me terrified of the fact that if we are ''broken up'' that I will have to get over all of this. It's horribly depressing. Even if I knew it were for the best, the ''withdrawal'' would be awful. It makes me wonder, how many people out there stay together...just to avoid ever having to get over each other???

I have often caught myself wanting to fix my relationship purely off of the fear of having to get over my relationship. When I catch myself doing this, it scares the hell out of me! I mean it's so scary to have to deal with our inner emotions sometimes...and some people chose to just not deal at all. I don't ever want to become one of those people. But I am still fairly young and I haven't been in a ton of serious relationships. So it's hard to distinguish between whether I should stick around and try to work it out with this guy...or if it's run it's course and it's time to move on. How do you know when it's really over???

Well enough of this depressing-ness...but seriously, if anyone can shed some light.....please do.

i hate my life right now.....sorry

i am not using correct punctuation and ish in this one...i could care less...i just wanted to vent. i hate my life so much right now....i mean...im happy to be alive of course, so dont start giving me a speech...i dont want it. fuck you. im so unhappy. im no where i ever wanted to be, other than outta my mom's craziness..thats it....im not in school, im not in an anywhere near ideal job, im not in an anywhere near stable relationship, some of my best friends are no where near me...because they are doin the things with their lives that they wanted to do. im the left overs. im what happened after class of 2004 graduated from my school....im the shit they scraped up. smh.

i have NO help with raising my sis....yes i have maybe one person that will watch her for me here and there...but to be honest, i think that if it werent for her having a two year old..that my sis takes off her hands...she would mysteriously be too busy to keep my sis. i have a friend that does give me rides to places when i need it...but she doesnt have anything else to do right now...she will eventually get busy living her life. this is what adults do. however...i was forced into adulthood while everyone else was fucking around...now they've started to get the hand of adulthood....and im sucking at it still...its a fuckin wonder to me.

i have/had? a boyfriend for whom i dam near worshipped for all of two years, played house like a motherfucker....and he wouldnt call me his girlfriend for all these legitimate sounding reasons at the time...so what does my dumass do? stick around until i get what i want. he finally admits a real relationship between us almost three years in...and now im learning the true meaning of 'be careful what you ask for'. smh. i see why he didnt want a relationship now. why the fuck did i not just get that three years ago??!! am i that fuckin stupid?? fuck. its so ridiculous...AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh* i just want this part of my life to pass and get to the good parts already...im tired of all of this ''do good and good will come your way'' ive been an fuckin outstanding human bein for a while now....and im still getting ran through the wringer.....when does this slow torture stop?! thank god i have no children of my own. thank god. i dont think i could take anymore stress or a dumass man im stuck with for the rest of my life in some shape or form becuz of a kid. ugh.

WHY IS EVERYONE AROUND ME A DUMASS....for gods sakes i really wonder if my 15 year old sister is the smartest person around here sumtimes...im going to stop rambling now...cuz its going to start repeating itself in a minute im sure......tune in for my next mental breakdown!!!

Siblings, Myspace, And Slightly Stalking...LOL

Soooo...I recently asked the random people at ''thisisbeptv.com'' a question for advise. I have since received about four or five replies to this question, which has got me thinking. Here's the story...

I am 22 years old (in case you've missed that in previous posts) and I haven't seen my father since I was one. No hard feelings. He and my mother had divorced, he moved to Tennessee and my mother stayed here in South Carolina. I was both he and my mother's first child. Since, my mother had another daughter...and he's had another daughter and three boys by two other women. He and my mother lost contact at some point in time before I even hit kindergarten. His parents (my grandparents) found me when I was in, I think, first grade. I had some fun with them, then we lost contact with them as well. Either way, I took it upon my self when I was 18 and in my senior year in high school to search for my father to speak with him at least once in my lifetime and his. I found him through my grandparents (I still had their address on an old card). I spoke with him on the phone a couple of times and it was awkward as hell for me and therefore short lived on my part. I began to stop answering his calls and not calling him. He kept wanting me to come see him or come live with him...and I just wasn't comfortable nor did i really have the means at the time. However, it became all he wanted to talk about....so I just got annoyed with it.

Needless to say...my other siblings with him are a now 19 year old brother, 17 year old sister, and two very young brothers. The two older children I spoke to when I contacted him the first time. The sister was very happy to not be the only girl in the family as she once thought she was...the brother (who until that point had been the ''oldest'') was not so amused and only spoke to me because our dad asked him to, I believe. Either way, never spoke to them again.

Now to present day. I probably haven't spoke to my father in almost a year (for reasons of my own) and yet I have recently stumbled across both my brother and sister on Myspace (of all places). So my question to the good people on ''thisisbeptv.com'' was...''Should I make attempt to contact them over Myspace, and would that be creepy if I did?'' I was honestly surprised at the all around unanimous response to this question (which I should have already known, but I didn't). Everyone said that I should definitely reach out to them. It was even pointed out by Ms. ''Golden'' that I had more to gain then loose. This was a good point once I thought it over. ''LilBoyFresh'' stated that they should be more amazed then creeped out by it. I've taken all of this into consideration. Now I feel like it's a no brainer...that I should definitely contact them. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to say..and how to say it. Ya know?

I understand that not everyone has access to their family members. I realize that there are people out there that wish they could get in contact with their sisters and brothers and I have the opportunity in front of me. So I'm gonna do it kids!!! Wish me luck..and I will keep you posted as to the results.... =)

To Be, Or Not To Be....Completely Truthful???

Ahhhh.....another blog, another day. The funniest thing about this blog to me, is that none of my ''close'' friends know about it. I don't want their biased opinions. I want the opinions and thoughts of people whom I've never seen nor will probably ever meet. I like it this way, at least for now. Moving on though, that was just some random rambling for you. =)

So today I shall wonder and dwell on in this blog, truthfulness. So many people say that you can not be in a meaningful friendship or relationship if you are not honest. I always wonder about that. Do any of us tell any one person in our lives the whole truth and nothing but, day in and day out? Is that actually possible? Or am I just being sinacle?

We've all heard the theory on ''lil white lies'' and how sometimes they're okay as long as we're using them to spare one's feelings. Of course, that never settled with me. I believe to not tell someone something just to spare their feelings is usually more harmful to them then the truth could have ever been. So I wrap my mind in circles on this subject.

So I'll give you my opinion...I believe that it is within human nature to lie at all. Some people lie more than others, of course, but everyone lies in some way, shape, or form. I don't think this is necessarily ''cool'', but I do accept it as a fact in my life. I wonder if I could ever be in a friendship or relationship where I was completely honest. In my opinion thus far, I don't think so. And to be honest, I'm a VERY truthful person...but I don't think I will ever meet one person that will know everything about me. There will always be something I will leave out. And I honestly expect others to do the same to me. I just hope that other people and myself keep the omissions to a minimum is all.

I think some secrets kept to yourself are very healthy...then there are the secrets that do nothing but eat you from the inside out. As we grow we have to learn which secrets are which...then go through the horrible task of deciding who it is safe to tell those secrets that need to be told to. People aren't as trustworthy as they once appeared to be these days. And our economy situation makes this no better. People are at their moral worst in times of crisis the majority of the time.

Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to tell me what it is they need to get out. I honestly wouldn't tell a sole.....honestly, I wouldn't. But the sad part is, majority of people are either to scared you'll judge them or tell other's....or that you'd be a waste to tell because you could never possibly understand where they're coming from....*sigh* My innocent appearances on the outside don't help with this misconception either. Nor does me being a decent looking young white female in America. People assume I must have it better than they do on even my worst day. ( I also wish people would stop trying to weight each others problems to decide who's are worst....every one's problems are the worst things that are happening to them...and just because they're not your problems...doesn't make them any less)

So my question is....do you think you could be completely truthful to any one person...do you think anyone could ever be completely truthful with you? Tell me what you think.

Family Etiquette

Alright, it's a new day. Same as always, I'm not sure what I shall say...but I'll figure it out once it's said. Now this blog was, in part, inspired by the last blog..but I'll try to make it shorter. Now I have this way of thinking on the subject of the word ''family'' and ''blood relations'' that not everyone agrees with. In general, so many people have so many separate standards for their family members than they do with the rest of the real world. People will walk through fire for a blood relation and turn their heads on anyone else. Yet once we get married, to someone we're not related to (lol), we're supposed to treat them like family....as do we expect our families to treat them as such. So how come we can just turn this ''family'' treatment on and off. If the ''family'' treatment is supposed to be so exclusive, why can we just dole it out as we see fit. It's always seemed unfair to me and a little unrealistic. I'm a complete fanatic about things being fair for all peoples, so of course this subject gets me every time.

Why should I treat other deserving human beings different than I would treat my family? And why do we let family damn near get away with murder, but the common stranger looks at us funny and they're doomed. I think this habit of family favoritism makes up a substantial part of why our society is a little twisted these days. I mean, when I think of how many instances I know of where a person just never could learn a lesson because of their always forgiving family members...when I think of all the naive persons who never could gain their common sense because of protective family members...I mean I could go on forever.

For instance, you always hear of that one family member that just can't stay out of jail. Within that story, there's usually that forgiving mother, father, grandparent, etc. that keeps bailing them out. On the other hand, you're supposed to respect all family members. You're told respect your mother, respect your father, and so on. This leads me to an instance I relate to.

I've always been told how much I should respect my family members, and any time I even looked like I didn't...I was looked at like the devil himself. My mother's mother(grandmother) moved in with us when I was 11. I didn't know nothing about her nor did she know the 1st thing about me. However, I was supposed to respect her and do everything she told me without question...even though she was a complete stranger to me. She turned out to be a very difficult older woman whom I rarely got along with. She used to tell me things like, ''you're one the worst children I've ever met''. At 13 yrs old I was aware of her past with my mother and uncle and I found it amusing that she could tell me anything at my age considering she never raised a teenager. My uncle left her at a young age due to her alcoholism and my mother had been in a foster home since she was 13. But I'm supposed to trust this woman's every word. I didn't understand.

Second instance, I haven't seen my father since I was one. I personally got in contact with him at 18. I'm 22. Now I'm being told how much I should respect him and take his advise and go stay with him. He is a stranger whom I know nothing about...who knows nothing about me. Why would I do any of the above things? I respect both him and my grandmother for giving me the gift of life in a way....other than that....they are and were strangers....and I treat them as such. I'm looked at so wrong for this...I've actually taught my sister to do the same. Sometimes I hope I'm not completely wrong for this, I'd feel guilty for misguiding her in life if this were to be true. Either way....I just don't get this whole family double standards.....

Should family be treated any different then anyone else? Where is the line drawn?

The Holiday Cheer

Okay, so this shall be my first ''real'' blog, so to speak. My last was just an introduction. I'll title this blog when I'm finished, because I know I'm in the mood to write what I'm thinking...but I'm not yet just sure what it is I'm thinking....so bear with me. This is the ''Holiday Season''...this time of year makes a lot of people think about a lot of things, especially to do with family. Now, this subject is a confusing one for me to toy with in my head.

In ''My Glass House'', there isn't much to be said about family...yet I have tons to say. At present, my sister and I live together...by ourselves. I'm going on 23 and my sister just turned 15 (Happy B-Day!!!). We've been living on our own for going on 3 years. We have the same mother, different fathers. We haven't seen or heard from our mother in almost three years. I moved into this apartment December 2007, my mother decided February 2008 not to continue contact with my sister and I. She somehow felt, that by me moving and getting my own place without taking her with me to pay all her bills so she could live free with no job....that this was a betrayal in a way and is now so upset that she doesn't even call to check on her 15 year old. As if a 15 year old doesn't need a mother. *sigh* I love my mother, I really do. I'm not bitter about her actions, not any longer. I'm not always confident that my sister shares my sentiment. She's young, and it's probably hard for her to fully grasp. As adults we can do some trifling things, and we can't expect the youth to understand. We teach all these morals and values and then turn around and throw them out the window when it comes to our own lives.

My sis B-Day was the 6th of December. The second Birthday she's had with no mother or father. I feel so sad for her. I won't say that to her though, I never want her to feel sad for herself or to ever feel a burden to me. Taking care of her is the biggest responsibility I've ever had so far. Yes, it's so hard...and yes, sometimes it's SO overwhelming...but I do it not because I have to, but because I want to. She has so much promise in her life, she's so gifted...and I'm not just saying that to be flattering. She's not even in the room nor will she probably see this...so if it wasn't true I would say so. Lol. She's been top of her class since elementary school. She wants to go to an Ivy League School, and I think she could do it. She sings, dances, draws, and writes songs SO well. Like it genuinely surprises me the things she can do and how well she does them at such a young age. With all this being said, I wonder how in the hell could any parent not love her to death and want to be here for every second of their existence. I mean I know I'm in the same situation and that I don't have a parental figure either...but I'm 22 now and I had my mother figure for at least 18-19 years of my life. That's almost fair, my sister has been cheated in a way.

It's holiday season, and I wonder all the time if I'm doing everything I really can for my sister. I wasn't born knowing how to raise a teenager, and I never expected to be raising my sister....it happened out of nowhere. This is no where near where i thought I would be at this age. Sometimes that makes me sad...almost makes me resentful of my mother and how different my life would have been had she just been responsible. What's done is done now..and I have to make the best of it. But this time of year is always hard and confusing for me. I feel so loved..yet so unwanted in my family life. I know my sister loves me with all her heart...and I love her the same...but then I wonder why everyone ditched us....I've always thought we were so awesome, so how come this happened to us?

I'm so scared of what my sister might think as she gets older...I don't want her to resent my mother. I'm well aware that my mother, even though she had me, is just another human being and no one is perfect. I'm sure she's done the best that she's thought she could do. But when you are young....everything is so black and white with your parents and it's hard to understand any gray.

Either way....this is what's going on in My Glass House everyday.....amongst other things. And I just wonder what tomorrow will bring.....