Uplifting Rant?? LOL

You know what? I was just sitting online trying to find an ''uplifting'' poem or article to make me feel better about some things, when I realized...none of that stuff was directly talking to me..so it really wasn't working. So I figured I'd write myself an uplifting something or another. Ya know? So here goes...

I have come from NOTHING and I'm trying to make it into something...and some people try to call themselves supporting me in my struggle..and yet they make sideways comments. Earth to these dumasses!!! Your sideways comments don't support me. They let me know how you really feel at the end of the day. Don't say you support me just because you know it's what a person in your position 'should' do. If you don't agree with something I'm doing...let it be known! Stand up for yourself! I am not your GOD....why beat around the bush with me. No one has to like or agree with everything I do...I don't care who they are. My mother, my sister, my significant other...etc...none of these people need to agree with me for me to live my life. You should just love me in spite of these things. I would appreciate your support, don't get me wrong..but I don't want false sentences..I'm smarter than that...I know you don't mean them. Just tell me you don't agree but you still love me. What's so hard about that???

Those who claim to care about me...don't tell me you want the best for me..and then push me back at every turn. You want me to get a better job...yet you telling me all the reasons why I'm not qualified and all the wrong decisions I've already made...yet you get a better job every other day. You can't help me out? But yet you can tell me what I'm doing right? Has anyone ever heard of encouragement? Do you really think telling me I'm a failure is going to make me wanna go out there and succeed? I mean I know I'm an intelligent female....but hell I got feelings too!! I still, to this day, don't have a person that loves me unconditionally, has my back NO MATTER what, and is telling me the good things I do and have done in life. To be honest, I KNOW I've done some awesome outstanding shit that, if there is a heaven, I'm so on the guest list. However, all I here about is the bad shit. And, to be honest again, I really haven't done that much bad. I make simple ass every day mistakes. I even take responsibility for them and atone for them. Yet I still get no slack. No one ever apologizes to me. I talk good about people all the time, cuz I know people need to hear that. Why doesn't anyone else know that?

So here's this..I'm 23..I take care of a 15 year old girl, BY MYSELF, no help. If you think that's easy..then I hope you never have to find out that you're wrong. I have a job, that sucks my ass hard...and IT itself is hard. Yet I have to hear about how I sit around my house all day and get paid. (My job isn't in my house, btw..so wtf?) I don't have a car. I don't even have a license...I never had a car to take the test in. Yes I know people and I've asked people...but you can guess the out come. I, in the past three years...have lent over 2,000 dollars to a significant other. Just saying to vouch for how crazy nice I am. I realize I will probably never see this money again. I have NO parental figures. I have NO safety net. I dropped outta high school to help my alcoholic mother who never helped herself. Now I don't have the time nor money to go back. I got accepted to 5 colleges in my area. I got an 115o on the SATs back when the max score was 1600. I'm not stupid. Yet I'm in a dumass job. I work hard for everything...no one gives me shit. The best I get is rides from people..and I appreciate those rides and those people. My point is...for the most part...I'm on my own. Yet I can't get any recognition for that. All I hear about is, 'Why you still ain't in school? WTF you waiting on?' Like I wanted this shit. All I hear is, 'Don't you need a car? Why you ain't got a license? WTF is wrong with you?' All I hears is, 'you let your sister do that? you should tell her this, tell her that. here's what i would do. here's how i think kids should be raised even though I've never had any' I mean wtf is wrong with people? If you're 27 and you've never had a kid..and I'm 23 taking care of a 15 year old...because I care about her...not because I asked to...leave me the fuck alone. You don't know what I should do to be honest. You don't know shit but how to get on my nerves!

Either way, I'm beginning to rant..and I am just disappointed by my surroundings. I'm tired of never hearing anything good. I'm exhausted by supporting people who can't or won't support me. I'm just tired of it all. It's alot. And you'd be surprised how much an adult needs parental figures. They're taken for granted. I mean I'm not saying parents rock or nothing...cuz mine don't. I'm just saying..the general concept of parents..is kinda needed. And I'm just wishing I had some right now. All I have is a handful of friends that are just as lost as I am and a boyfriend with the biggest chip on his shoulder about life...he's dam near useless when it comes to optimism. *sigh* I'll get over it.