Domestic Violence

This is a blog to speak on something I feel very strongly about. Domestic disputes. I recently wanted to blog about this subject in particular because they seem so very common. Or at least where I'm from. They seem very easy to become a part of if you're not watching yourself.

Now I have been a child who's mom was involved in domestic violence. I have been the friend, who's friend was part of domestic violence. I have been the girlfriend, who tried to fight her boyfriend in a fit of rage. And now, I have been the girlfriend who had to leave her boyfriend, because it looked like he was going to take it to that next level. I never thought I'd see the day, however I knew it was completely possible. No one is immune. You never know what can happen. When you're mad...and/or when another person is mad...you just don't know.

When my mother used to get physically abused by a boyfriend, I used to think of how no two adults should ever let it get to that point. I knew my mom could have started it, I've always been a reasonable person. I look at things from all perspectives. But even if she did start it, why could the man not be the more mature person...and not take it to a physical level. There's a reason why if the cops get called on a regular old fight, and bother parties were struck...both parties can press charges. Because at the end of the day, you usually have the option to walk away. In almost all domestic violence cases..the initiator of the violence, could have just walked away. No matter how mad you are.

Now when my friends would get into these situations..male or female...the initiator..or the victim..I usually hear them out..try to understand the points of view..and then always give the same advice: let it go..take a break...y'all are movin to fast and you're loosing site of what's going on here. Probably no one ever listens..but I try. After that, I'm out of their business. I don't want to know anymore about it unless you're trying to tell me to call the police for you. I'll do that. Other than that, I'm out of it.

When I've been the ''crazy'' girlfriend that wanted to fight her man, I knew I was wrong. I would get so pissed that I would throw things at the wall. After that stopped helping, I threw things at HIM. When that stopped helping, I wanted to shove him, hit him, anything that would get that fire out from under me. I was so wrong, and when he would restrain me..I was never offended. I don't feel that him restraining me, with out hitting me, was rude or disrespectful. That was a good way to handle that situation. I eventually grew up, and learned that I was asking for trouble. That what I was doing was no way to handle that situation and that I was more than hurting him..but also hurting myself. It was a poison. I stopped. I still get pissed, don't get me wrong..and I still want to throw things...but I won't. I walk away. I hang up that phone, even if it's rude. I leave that house. I get out that car. Because it's the more reasonable and mature thing to do, than let my anger get the best of me.

Now recently, I've had to leave my boyfriend (the same one I used to try to fight) because it looked like he was getting too physical. I can not accept that. The worse part is he started getting physical when he was not even provoked. I understand if I shove you, you shove me back. It may not be right, but I get it. He has put his hand forcefully over my mouth because he wanted me to shut up. Not cool. He grabs my arm when he does not want me to do something or move from somewhere. And when he used to ''accidentally'' do that..if I said, ''let go of my arm, that's not cool'' he would...not anymore. He has left me places that are UNSAFE all because he was pissed at me. I've had to walk home. He snatched my phone out of my hand when I told him if he did not let me go I would have to call the police. He got so offended and hurt once he snatched that phone and say it already had 911 on the screen. I don't play with that stuff. These are all MAJOR warning signs. I'd be a fool to sit around and wonder if it'll ever get worse than this. And I WILL call the cops for stuff like this. I would hate to mess up someone's record like that...but I will. It's unacceptable and when I give you a warning and ask you politely...you should take the hint. Don't get me wrong, I love this man to death. Been together for 3 years, a lot invested in each other. But this is a bad road to go down for the both of us. And he won't realize it, I do. And there's a major break a'comin. I don't know if we'll ever get back together, but we can no longer stay together to see what happens the next time someone is pissed.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this, I don't know that if someone does..they even know where I'm coming from..but I had to put this out there for me...if no one else. To make it real...not just a notion in my head. Because I need to realize that it is. But my head is up. And I'm going to be okay. And I'm going to pray for the man in question here. I wish him nothing but the best, whether he realizes it or not. But I love myself too much to sit and try to teach him how to act in anger. I just barely know how to act myself. I'm in no position to teach anyone.